In Him we trust

==Nothing is self-evident==

Psalm 143,8 Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in You. Show me the way I should go, for to You I lift up my soul.

In a lifetime, a lot happens, sometimes profoundly and importantly, sometimes minor things happen that the day after you will have forgotten. As you get a little older, these big things stay with you, I'm 76 now, and looking back, that's true of me, too.

One thing has become clear over all these years: Nothing is self-evident and I am not entitled to anything.

(Original quote of Aldous Huxley: Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.)

A friend of mine said the other day, "I can't stand young people getting sick and dying or crashing, that's not fair that God does this. Also, that God allows wars etc. is not fair"

I: "But we want to banish God from our lives first, and then when things go wrong, we blame Him?"

He said, "We cannot banish God from our lives, it is not fair."

The reality is that God leaves us the choice whether we want to live with Him or not.

Wisdom comes with the years is a saying. That is indeed true for some, but not everyone. In all modesty, I think I have become a little wiser over the years, although I prefer to leave the real judgment on that to others. Nothing is self-evident. Unless it did, not only would the good be self-evident, but also the bad, evil.

Spring 2015, five years ago I was 71 and I still felt more or less like a young dog from time to time. I still had a lot of energy for my age and I still did a lot, both physically and mentally. Until I was told in the spring of 2015 that I had cancer. During my annual check-up at the GP it was found that the PSA value in my blood was on the high side. I wasn't sick, I had no complaints and the tumor wasn't aggressive, It was on the verge of whether or not to do something about it. What do you do? 

We (Aukje and I) talked about it together and we talked to the doctor about it. He offered me an experimental treatment; 30 subjects would participate in the UMC. It would be a one-off local irradiation of the tumor (without taking the environment in it) with a high risk of far fewer side effects than traditional treatment.  This brought in the radiation source and removed it again.

We decided to go for this treatment and today 11 May it is exactly 5 years since I have undergone it. During treatment, 15 hollow needles were placed in the tumor, which meant a number of times through the scan to check the placement and eventually the tumor was irradiated by the hollow needles in 2 sessions. More than 7 hours lasted the entire treatment.

About a month later, I was suddenly struck by a stroke. While I was sitting on the couch at home, I suddenly lost control of my right side. With bells and whistles I was brought to the hospital, where after examination I was allowed to go home after about 3 hours.


Looking back, these two events have changed my life quite a bit. And although the side effects of the radiation were probably minimal, my life has become very different.

Fortunately, it is hardly noticeable for others, but my right side has never turned 100% again. I notice it with walking, I notice it with writing and when I get tired also with speaking. That is perhaps the most important thing: I am tired much faster than before and therefore much less can cope.

This is for both physical and spiritual efforts. My life had been turned upside down. It is also not clear whether the stroke may have been caused by the tumor treatment. What I do know is that God has given me peace in the whole situation and peace in me throughout the period and Aukje received the strength to stand beside me and help me.

We are grateful that we still have each other and enjoy each other and our children and grandchildren together.

Also grateful that we can live together knowing that whatever happens God is there too. Together we also still can encourage our brothers and sisters in Nepal and help them.

Nothing is self-evident, which is why we thank God for that. He is our support, no matter what happens in your life. In Him we trust, He never lets us go.